The Monster in the Mirror is a great musical that I recently watched after having its soundtrack on my Spotify for over two years. The musical is a really friendly introduction to parts work, so I want to share a little more about it.
“Parts work”
When I say “parts work”, I am referring to Internal Family Systems (IFS). The IFS approach, which I’ve heard people refer to as “No Bad Parts“, states that we are all made up of many parts. Have you ever struggled between deciding whether to stay home and play games, or go out with your friends? Those are your different parts at work. Sometimes, our parts can be so polarising that they cause a lot of internal distress. A core assumption in IFS is that we have No Bad Parts – all our parts want us to stay out of harm’s way, but sometimes, they end up hurting us in the process. This doesn’t mean they’re bad parts, perhaps just misguided.
If you don’t want any spoilers, skip ahead to the last section: Befriending Our Monsters.
The Monster in the Mirror
The Monster in the Mirror gives us a perfect example of a part that has, in its attempts to keep the protagonist safe and happy, unintentionally hurt the protagonist. The Monster feeds Jane a lot of doubts, sometimes even telling her that her best friend does not really care about her. The Monster even takes over protagonist Jane and yells at her mother to leave her alone. After being bullied at school, Jane enlists the help of her creative Monster to give her a makeover, and Jane enters a whole new world centered around social media, sponsorships, and a particular classmate named Aaron who helps Jane manage her newfound social media fame.
There comes a point whereby Jane gets overly frustrated with her Monster’s constant doubts and interference, and she decides to ignore the Monster for good. Unfortunately, Jane eventually gets hurt in her new life and her Monster begins to retaliate in the song titled Monster. The end of the musical sees Jane having to reach out to the Monster she banished, reassuring the Monster that she will never leave the Monster again.
Jane’s Monster: A Protector Part
IFS talks about our Protector parts – parts that are protecting us. Jane’s story begins with her seeing her Monster as a frustrating part that feeds her doubts and takes control of her; a part that is only holding her back. However, these doubts were the Monster’s way of protecting Jane. The Monster takes over Jane when emotions get too intense, helping Jane to voice her needs – albeit in a way that gets her into trouble. As mentioned, our parts try to keep us away from harm, but they may do so in ways that lead to other forms of hurt.
Jane eventually has to learn to live with this Monster, and it begins with seeing it as not a monster, but as a friend. She gives that part of her reassurance that she may not always know what to do, but she’s not going to leave the part behind again.
Just like Jane, we need to be able to befriend our own parts.
Befriending Our Monsters
We often get frustrated with our monsters parts because we don’t see the value in the work they do for us. Do you have certain parts of yourself you don’t like? Perhaps it’s the part that feeds you worst-case scenarios all day, or the part that tells you that you’re not good enough. It might feel like you’re constantly at war with these parts in your mind. Maybe you even have parts that are fighting with each other! The solution is not to force one of them into submission, but to befriend all your parts.
Being a friend to these parts does not mean believing everything they say, living your life preparing for the worst-case of everything, or seeing yourself as not good enough. After all, just because you’re friends with someone does not mean you have to agree with everything they say! It does, however, mean listening to them with empathy and patience, talking to them gently, and maybe even sitting beside them while they cry.
If, like myself and many of the clients I see, you struggle with that internal conflict in your mind, I recommend that you watch The Monster in the Mirror. It conceptualises being made of different parts in a fun and easy-to-digest way. I encourage you to be a little friendlier to all your parts today; try to hear them out in a non-judgemental way rather than trying to shut them down or ignore them.
P.S: I was not paid to write this. I paid to watch the musical because I think it’s great.
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