Do note that this post is directed towards friends of those with mental illness; not caregivers. Sometimes we have to take a step back when a relationship is too harmful. This is an unavailable option for a lot of caregivers but, when it comes to other relationships, walking away is sometimes the best option.
We have to remember we are not doctors or professionals (well, most of us aren’t) – it is not our responsibility, or within anybody’s capability, to “fix” the person.
We are human – every “I’ll be here for you” has its own conditions, and we all have a limit as to how far we’d go for someone. It’s easy to promise unconditional and eternal love, but what happens when the person changes? What if the person becomes abusive? What if the person goes out of his/her way to hurt you? What if the person simply doesn’t seem there at all? All relationships come with (usually unspoken) agreements and, when breached, is inevitably affected.
I cannot fathom just how painful it is to walk away from someone you have a strong and lasting relationship with, let alone an intimate one. First, there are issues such as guilt – you have to back out on someone whom you care about, and you know it will hurt him/her; you fear that this decision ends with you having the person’s blood on your hands. Next, you have to think about how you want to end this relationship. Do you slowly fade out? Do you one day disappear? What if the person refuses to let you go? All this requires careful consideration and assessment of both of your mental states, coping ability, and situation.
The consequences of not walking away can be harmful to the both of you. You may end up causing more harm staying than if you walked away. You may end up pushing yourself past your breaking point, causing harm once more. Your frustration may build slowly, making the relationship more strenuous. Dragging out this unhealthy relationship is, well, unhealthy. All this can affect you psychologically, socially, and even physically.
There is no easy answer to this dilemma, but it is something that, at some point during a relationship of any nature, may be considered, even if just for a few minutes and that’s okay – it doesn’t make you a bad person.
[Discussion]
Have you ever had to walk away from someone with mental illness?
Have you ever been walked out upon?
I had to walk away from a Friend because I became her “point of trigger”. I entered her life because she was to dependent on her supposedly Boyfriend and was self harming. I lend her a space to rant and a place to rest when she’s tired but we didn’t contact for a while and when we got back into contact, I was blamed for “I changed”.
It became too overwhelming and I Guess it’s time I step away because if I don’t care for myself, who will? The guilt of stepping away from her when she needs help was bad!
I have major issues with this one! It got to the point where I feel I attend peer support groups to soak up other people’s emotions and cause I feel so empty inside, and I have a tendency of cutting relationships off once the person recovers somewhat or has reconnected to other supports systems. Otherwise I know I’m going to mess something up for them when I burnout.
I’m currently dealing with this situation. I have friend who has dealt with serious mental health issues and self harm in the past and is still dealing with her mental health issues today. I have also suffered from such issues and still do. I feel like I’m always the punching bag and I want to be there for them, I really do, but I’ve been hurt so many times and a serious line has just been crossed recently that I think it may be best if I walk away from this friendship. However, I’m afraid that if I leave this friend it may lead to a decline in their mental health. I know that they need a supportive friend in their life, and I’ve been that for them for so long, but is it time that I start taking care of myself, and put my needs first? I really don’t know what to do.